Diffuse
by CASTL3
Summary: Spoilers...Once upon a crime.  Post-ep fic. Rick and Kate have both said that secrets are like time bombs waiting to explode but Rick decides to have a change of heart. One shot...maybe.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am working on chapter four of 'Fate'. I hope to have it up by Friday but no promises. If its not up by then the earliest would be Sunday since I am going away for the weekend. Im about 1500 words in right now but am having a little trouble getting it right. As a teaser the Chapter title is called **'Conversations with Friends'**.

Now onto _Diffuse_.

He couldn't believe it. Kate Beckett actually grabbed his hand. And she is still holding it as she talks to his mother about the play. He hears them speaking but he is so focused on their hands that it's just background noise to noise to him. The more he thinks about it, she has been initiating contact a lot more over the past few months. The brushes of their hands when he gives her her coffee every morning, the bumping of shoulders every now and then just to let him know she there and then there was the hug after they removed themselves from the Hudson though he can't really blame her for that one. But what really have the wheels turning in his head is all the little things she has said since September.

_The conversation on the swings._

"_I hope the make it." "Me too."_

_The denial when he asked her if she still didn't remember anything. The way she avoided eye contact._

_The jealously radiating off of her from the whole 'Fist of Capitalism' case with Serena._

_The smile and touch she gave him after the bank Robbery._

_Her PTSD like symptoms which suggests she does remember the shooting in order to have those symptoms._

"_Next time, let's do it without the Tiger."_

_Again with the jealousy of Sophia._

"_All because of a terrible secret." "Eventually they explode." Again she couldn't look at him while saying it._

Those are just the ones off the top of his head. He's not one hundred percent certain she remembers but it's damn close. What really kills him is that she is trying to show him that. But he can't. He can't _show_ her he's still working on her and her mother's case. At least she's been trying to tell him to keep waiting for her, that slowly but surely they are going to have a chance at _always._ It's then he realizes he needs to tell her, and he doesn't want to wait anymore. He can't wait anymore. He _won't_ wait anymore.

With that thought he reluctantly removes his hand from hers and stands up and she mimics his movements thanking Martha again for a wonderful performance and turns to him and automatically knows something isn't right.

"You okay Castle?"

He turns to look at her. Really look at her and sees the concern. He knows she cares with that look and he can't deny her the truth any longer.

"I don't know. Can you wait here for a second?"

She gives him a confused look. "Sure."

"Mother can I talk to you for a second?" he asked as he moved his way to the door of the loft.

"What is it Richard?" Martha asked when she joins him.

"I have a favor to ask. Can you take Alexis and Marcus to get some coffee and just, I don't know chat for a couple hours? I think it's time Kate and I have a talk."

"Oh Richard are you sure this is the right time?"

"I won't wait anymore. Things have changed since fall and most of its good but the past couple cases have really made things clear for me and it's time to sort everything out. Please mother, just please take Alexis and go, somewhere, anywhere"

Martha looked at her son and knew he was determined. She just hoped it didn't backfire on him. She sighed and called Alexis and Marcus.

"Let's go kiddies. Round of coffee on me as a thank you."

Marcus just grinned and grabbed his coat already heading out.

"Everything okay Dad?" Alexis asked.

"I hope so sweetie just please go with your grams for a couple hours."

She knew that tone of voice. She glanced quickly at Kate and saw she was watching the exchange completely confused. Something was going to happen with Kate tonight and she had a pretty good idea of what it was. She just hoped it turned out well for him. She threw he arms around him and whispered 'Good luck' in his ear before pulling back.

He cupped his daughter's cheeks and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"No matter what happens just remember I love you Daddy."

"Love you too Pumpkin." Castle replied back.

"Ditto Richard. Good Luck." Martha said as she placed a hand on his cheek before ushering Alexis out of the loft and closing the door.

Rick just looked at the closed door for a couple seconds regaining his composure and took a deep breath before turning around to face Kate. She was still standing in the same spot. He slowly made his way over to her until he was standing right in front of her.

Neither said a word as the stared into each other's eyes watching all the emotions play across them, until Castle broke the silence.

"Do you trust me Kate?"

"Castle what is this about? Where did you send your mother and daughter and why?"

"Do you trust me Kate? Yes or No."

"Castle." Kate said, breaking eye contact.

"Yes or No Kate."

Looking back at him knowing he was completely serious by the look he was wearing, and the fact that he was calling her Kate, made her choice really easy. "Yes Rick I do."

He took her hand and led her into his office and closed the door. He released he hand as she made her way further into the office before she turned to look at him.

"I'm going to start talking and I want you to promise me you will hear me out before making any decisions and I would like you to please not interrupt me unless I asked you a question. Can you promise me that Kate?"

She nodded her head. She was still confused and a lot a bit nervous.

"I need a verbal yes Kate."

He asked her if she trusted him and she does so she gave it to him nice and simple. "I promise Castle." She replied.

He took another deep breath before he began. He could do this. He was a writer for heaven's sake. What good were words to an author if they failed you when you needed them the most?

"I guess I'll start by telling you thank you for hearing me out. I don't know how this is going to go but I couldn't put it off any longer. Sophia broke into my loft and was waiting for me after she kicked us off the case a couple weeks ago. We got to talking and she said something to me that really made me think. Before we get to what she said I want to you know that the ending I wrote for us wasn't the one she wanted. She wanted to be in a committed relationship and at the moment I wasn't looking for one at all. Yes we slept together and yes it was more than once but Sophia was just a conquest. That night I told her you were different and her response was _'Is she, or do you just think she is?', _andI can tell you and be one hundred percent certain that you _are _different Kate. Everything about you is different. You make me a better man, a better father, a better friend, a better son and a better writer because of a list of characteristics I don't have all night to list at the moment. But the one thing I can tell you to make you believe me is because I was never in love with Sophia."

Kate's head shot up to look at him when he said that.

"But you already knew that didn't you? You've known all this time. You never forgot."

"How did you know?" She whispered, looking back down at her feet.

"We have both never been good at hiding how we feel about one another Kate. I know I should be mad as hell right now but I'm not Kate. Not at all. I can understand why you did what you did because I know you. You wouldn't have been you if you didn't do it your way. When I told you I loved you I meant it. And if I love you, which I do, I have to love all of you. Not just the parts I want to see or the parts that I don't agree with. I don't know if you love me or not Kate and I'm not asking you to tell me if you do. I know you care for me and I'm certain you do have some feelings for me and that's enough for now. I'll wait Kate. I'll wait forever for you if that's how long it takes. On our second case together you told me you were a _one and done_ type when it comes to marriage and by God Kate I want to be that one. I just wanted to let you know where I stand and that I'm not going away. Not even when you tell me too. I will always come back to you. _Always._"

Kate still had her head down and was digesting everything. She couldn't believe he said all of that and she couldn't believe he wasn't pissed. She was trying to figure out a response when he spoke again.

"Now that that secret is out of the way, I have one of my own."

Her head shot back up at this to see him holding the remote to his touch screen that was located behind her. He hit the on button and she turned around. She couldn't help but gasp as she saw her picture come up on the board. With a tentative hand she touched her face and watched as it sprang to life with all sorts of pictures and notes. This is _her_ case. Her _mother's_ case. She turned back to face him with only one question. "Why?"

It was the only question she wanted to know. It was really the only question she could think of right now. She should be upset. Somewhere in the back of her mind she should be yelling at him about looking into it, about steering her away from it and the dangers he doesn't know about. She should be protecting him. She's the detective. She doesn't need protecting. Only she does. Rationally she knows she does but she has never a let a man protect her before and it's a hard habit to break. The only thing she is really upset about at the moment though it the dangers he now put his mother and daughter in because of his love for her, but the latter is why she was keeping silent because she had never expected him to just come out and say it again. Not like this. He had done a damn good job so far and she decided to just let him keep talking.

He didn't hesitate. "The first week you came back I received a phone call from a man. He called himself Smith. He said he was a friend of the Captain. He said Montgomery sent him some files that could hurt some really dangerous and powerful people if they got out. He told me that he could keep you safe, keep you alive if I got you to back off your mother's murder and your shooting. So I did. And I would do it all over again Kate. No matter what you say to me I would do it all over again. You can scream at me. Yell yourself hoarse and tell me you hate me and never want to see me again if you're up for it but it wouldn't change anything. I would rather you hate me and be alive then love me and not. I watched you die while I held you in my arms. I had your blood all over me for hours Kate and that something I never want to go through again. You told me tonight before we came here that all secrets are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, but you know what Kate? I don't believe that. I refused to let our secrets from each other explode like that so I did the only thing I could and diffused them for both of us. It was worse for me because I couldn't show that this was what I was doing but you; _You_ Kate have been giving me hope since that conversation on the swings. I know you still have that wall up and I know what you need to bring it down but you have been building makeshift doors every now and then and you've decorated it with a window or two for me and I love you all the more for that. What I want for us is to continue on the path we are on Kate. Whatever you're comfortable with I'm happy as long as I'm with you. Trust me with this. Trust me to figure out your mother's murder for you. Trust me with that I will trust you with my heart, because you have it Kate. Whether you want it or not it's yours and I don't want it back."

She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. That man. He does things to her and for her that she wouldn't let anyone else get away with. But she loves him. She can't believe she just sat there and listened to him without interrupting but damn was it a good speech. He is an author through and through and though that probably wasn't his best work the emotion he put into it made it her favorite thing he's ever said to her. So she did the only thing she could think of. She rushed into his arms and let him hold her while she broke down. He whispered to her over and over that he was sorry and that he loved her. When she finally pulled back to look at him she noticed he was crying too. She wiped the tears from her eyes and then proceeded to do the same for him before she looked him in the eyes and said the four words she has wanted to say since she woke up from the hospital.

"I love you too."

They both met each other in a soft yet passion kiss. Just one, before they pulled back and looked into each others eyes.

"I can't give you everything right now Rick, but I do love you and I don't deserve you."

He went to cut her off but she gave him another quick kiss to shut him up.

"I don't. But I'm working on that with a therapist. I want to be that person for you Rick and someday soon I will be. I think a date here and there would be nice though. I'll trust you with my mother's murder and you can trust me with your heart. I only want you. Always."

The shared one more kiss before they pulled back again. Still wrapped in each other's embrace.

"I don't want to go home tonight. How about we put a movie in and settle in together on the couch." Kate said clearly surprising him.

"Anything you want." Replied Rick, resting his forehead against hers.

They made their way over to the living room and Castle walked over to his movie collection.

"Any preference?" he asked.

"Disney. You pick."

He smiled and put one in not showing her which one.

He dimmed all the lights and helped Kate take her jacket off. He followed suit and threw them on one of the chair before grabbing a blanket and laid down, kicked his shoes off, and completely stretched out, before offering Kate his hand. She took it with a small shy smile kicking her own shoes off and settled down lengthwise right on top of him. He threw the blanket over both of them and turned on the movie.

"Aladdin!" Kate exclaimed. "I haven't seen this forever."

Rick smiled at her childlike excitement. "Me either and its one of my favorites."

Kate turned her head from where it laid sideways on his chest to now rest her chin on it.

"Can I ask why you picked it? I know you have a reason for it."

"I thought the song they sing on the carpet ride fits us pretty well at the moment."

"Mmmm. 'A Whole New World'. Nice choice Rick." She said before laying her head back down on his chest.

Rick smiled and kissed the top of head. He brought his arms around her and started caressing her back.

"Is this okay?"

"Mmm." Kate replied getting more comfortable and tangling her legs with his. "One more thing Rick." Kate said not moving from where she was at.

"What's that?"

"Try not to diffuse any more bombs anytime soon. That's three in two years."

"As long as I'm saving us it's worth the risk."

Kate just turned her head enough to place a kiss on his neck. "Shhhh. No more talking. Movie time."

"Yes ma'am."

Kate rose up to give him an interrogation glare and pinched his side making him jump.

'Sorry' he mouthed. She laid her head back down and not a second later he squeezed both her sides returning the favor and earning himself a squeak.

Kate blew out an exasperated breath.

"I'm so dating a nine-year-old."

End Story

_**AN: Thought of this at work last night. Kate is a little out of character but that's why it's fan fiction! Sorry for the mistakes. Please review and let me know what you think. If you liked this please check out my other story called 'Fate'. Until next time.**_


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